As we are all well aware, the behind-the-scenes stories of what goes into a show of this caliber is often as entertaining (or in some cases, MORE entertaining) than the show itself. It is not often that the staff is given the opportunity to spread the joy of teaching and share our most intimate thoughts. Fortunately, through the miracle of technology, I am able to express the reasons I am seriously considering Prozac as a dietary supplement.

I am happy to submit, without regret and at the risk of ridicule above and beyond the call of duty by my fellow educators, excerpts from my personal diary. Please be advised that what you read may not be pretty, but truly expresses the writer's feelings and lack of social life. Out of respect for the wide demographics of the readers, I have replaced certain "expletives" with the words *YADA YADA* in an effort to diminish the offensive qualities. Without further ado...

Monday, March 3, 2003

Dear Diary,

I completely forgot that I had scheduled both my high school and middle school guards for practice tonight at the same school! What a mess trying to find enough space all over the school for the sectionals. Not only did I have to drive to Evansville to pick up my staff to bring to Princeton for practice (maybe next year I'll be able to afford a staff that has graduated from Junior High already), but I had to give up my bed to them and sleep with my 5-yr old daughter. When the *YADA YADA* is she going to stop wetting the bed??? Anyway, Diary, I'm very lucky to have such talented, funny, inspirational and motivated guys that will work with this group. (Not to mention they are as cheap as dirt! A new set of Pokemon Trading Cards and an Arron Carter CD featuring "I Want Candy" does the trick!)

What is up with the Sabre line??? They are about to get on my *YADA YADA* nerves! Hopefully, by the end of the week, they will have come together as a team and realize that boyfriends come and go, but my mouth will be in their face for the next couple of years. I thought I was going to have get out my can of "Whoop YADA YADA". As long as they follow the Princeton Winterguard rules, I think we'll have a successful ending.

1. Don't do anything to get kicked out of school during the season
2. Don't touch another guard member's boyfriend
3. Don't dump a boyfriend before the season is over - we need the floor crew

Tuesday, March 4, 2003

Dear Diary,

Practice was at a different school tonight, so of course we had to haul all of our *YADA YADA* junk up there. What the *YADA YADA* was I thinking, designing this floor with so much stuff???!!! Had to buy some more fabric to line the scrims across the back of the floor so we don't see all of the movement. I've not seen so many girls rolling around on the ground, arms and legs flailing, since the New Orleans Red Light District during Mardi Gras in '88! Originally thought I'd be able to get away with using scrims. I was wrong. In listening to one of the judge's tapes, I found it was the only thing he focused on...in the entire show...for the entire 7 ½ minutes...apparently not realizing that there was ACTUALLY A SHOW HAPPENING IN FRONT OF THE BACKDROPS!! So, after watching a run-through and thinking to myself, "What the *YADA YADA* is going on back there???!!!", I chose to do the least amount of work in the shortest amount of time possible. I covered it up with a curtain. Bada-Bing!! Problem solved. Princeton is the only guard I've ever worked with that the scores go up tremendously when things are actually REMOVED from the program.

We are all experts in our own mind, Diary. I am constantly deflecting the inexperienced, albeit well-meaning advice, of a parent who has participated in the sport for the grand total of 13 weeks. Sometimes, I know that my mouth says, "Wow, that's a great idea! Maybe it's something we can think about incorporating into next year's show!" while my face says, "Are you *YADA YADA* nuts??!! By the way, who are you, and what is that smell???" I, of course, am not really thinking that. My face just LOOKS like I'm thinking that. But I'm not. Honest. On the other hand, looking at the show, maybe the idea of propeller hats isn't so bad. Hmmm.

Practice went well tonight. Lime Green flags look like they fell off a mountain and never healed properly. Maybe we can hide that before Saturday.

Good Night, Diary.

Wednesday, March 5, 2003

Dear Diary,

It was a nice, quiet night. Gave the sabre line permission to wait and come in at 7:30 tonight. If my attention is on anyone other than them, they sound like a bunch of *YADA YADA* chickens over in the corner. Worked with those *YADA YADA* green flags tonight. What was I thinking when I ordered those??? I'm starting to think this whole show looks like a bad morning-after in Hawaii. Didn't have an entire line till 8:00pm. And another thing...who decided to schedule Ash Wednesday for Prelims week anyway??? I bet I heard, "you've got some black stuff on your forehead" about a thousand times. They don't say much, Diary, but when they do...well...they don't say much.

I'm really proud of them. Each of them. The ones I thought that maybe wouldn't make it are coming across beautifully. I'm a little concerned about Melissa, though. She's starting to gain a little weight in the posterior. I think I may need to start her on the "Cheerio & Water" diet for the next 2 days. A couple of them are already on the "Nicotine & Caffeine" diet that always works so well. They think I don't notice the smoking. They *YADA YADA* REEK with it and think I don't remember 16 years old. Still trying to give the excuse of, "it wasn't me, I was in a car with so-and-so and blah, blah, blah..." and pretty soon I just tune 'em out and they sound like Charlie Brown's teacher. Give 'em 5 minutes and they're outside suckin' down those smokes!

Busted Nick and Nathan again trying to squeeze into a couple of the girls' uniforms... while the girls were still in them. Then, they tried to get into some empty ones to "blend in". Man, what this floor crew won't do to save a couple of bucks cover charge!

Finally got everyone there. Had to wrestle the baseball team for the floor. Good thing it wasn't the cheerleaders again. They have fingernails from *YADA YADA* Good practice. Good Night, Diary.

Thursday, March 6, 2003

*YADA YADA YADA YADA!!* *YADA YADA YADA, YADA YADA, YADA!!!*

Friday, March 07, 2003

Dear Diary,

(*sung to the tune of "How Dry I Am" in the key of G# # # #)

We got no bus -
We got no bus -
Nobody knows ------(Oh man, what are we gonna do cuz I can't fit 34 kids, a bunch a junk, waaaaaaaay too many props, something the girl's lovingly call *YADA YADA* rags, 1 teenage couple in "love" (today only) and some smelly uniforms) We got no buuuuuuuuuuus!

Oh Yeah. I've done it before, I can do it again. Drive the little bus! Man, there ain't nothin' like sittin' behind the wheel of a "big rig" and turning into Large Marge, staring out at the open road and listening to the radio. And all of this paradise is to be topped off by 25 screaming girls and a tarp banging me in the back while a caravan of vehicles follows behind filled with the rest of the girls and the floor crew. Yeah, I'm getting all fuzzy just thinking about it.

One other thing, Diary: Girls are ugly in the morning. I don't mean ugly, I mean UGLY! They scream ugliness. They've got that *YADA YADA* hair and that stuff in their eyes that's mixed with the leftover mascara from the night before. And that Smell! What is up with that smell??!! I don't remember smelling like that. But then, like magic, they get pretty, so that much I am looking forward to.

Big Catfight last night. Hard to clean a show when there's so much hair pulling, gnashing of teeth, kicking, screaming, name-calling, (where the *YADA YADA* do they get that kind of language???) punching, and general ptoo-ing going on. And that was just the staff.

I'm tired. Is this season over yet????

Good Night, Diary.

Saturday, March 8, 2003

Dear Diary,

We didn't make finals. That's alright, though. They had so much fun, looked so great, and left the floor feeling good. Only 7 of the 24 have ever marched Winterguard before, and they are ALL 8th graders, freshmen, and sophomores. I'm not graduating anyone out, so they'll only get better. Heck, I recruited just by telling them how great they would look in the uniform! The fact that they went on, smiled tons at the crowd, (couldn't stop smiling at me!) and got off the floor with no major collisions, then we are successful!

The morning was very good. Ended up with a bus and a wonderful woman driving it. The team was pumped and ready (no matter how ugly they were that morning) and everything went smooth. Amanda from Center Grove was our official guide for the day, and Patrick was our guide last year that came to wish us luck, then stayed because we are so *YADA YADA* fun! Great job Amanda & Patrick!

I'm proud to work with the Princeton Team, from the performing members to the floor crew members to the Dads and all the rest of the team that helps put this thing together each year. If there is anything I want them to take with them when they are finished, it's that they should never be afraid of a new experience. Be cautious, but not afraid. As most all of them have found this year, they love this activity. And, of course, so do I. Yeah, maybe I'll stick around for awhile.

Good Night, Diary.