Happy Flaggin’ Fellow Guardonians!

AHA! So! You thought you would get through the season without my $.02 worth?? That’s two cents for those of us NOT financial minded, which for most colorguard people, is generally ALL of us. My goodness, what we won’t put ourselves through to try to relive our glory days vicariously through these unsuspecting children! Only to be paid in the end with what’s left of the Butter Braid and Frozen Cookie Dough Sale! (Usually product)

Let’s face it… it’s not about the friendly competition, nor the level of performance, nor is it about the kids’ satisfaction in putting on a good show. It’s about the Victory of the Writers and the Teachers and the Designers! WE want to be in the spotlight! WE want to be known for our Creativity and our Design Concepts and our ability to FORCE our kids to be wonderful. I want to walk into a Judge’s Critique and have them stand up and applaud me, cheering me on as I move from table to table, lustily throwing kisses to my awaiting public, happy to share my good fame, fortune, and knowledge (without actually sharing my secrets)!

And now, I am revealing the great secret of why we, as grown-ups and adults (two separate things, you know) that absolutely, positively REFUSE to let go of our pasts and face the fact that we are developing things like arthritis and bursitis (does anyone know what that is?) and intestinal problems and unmentionable tract infections, the list goes on, continue on this great foray. Instead, we plan on doing this until we are in our wheelchairs, rolling around a gymnasium floor, talking about the “Good Ol’ Days” when you were lucky if you even had a rifle, and if you did, it was made of fiberglass and weighed in at approximately 43 lbs. In fact, we didn’t even HAVE equipment, we had DIRT! And you had better make that dirt spin pretty, Sister, as you marched uphill all ways in parades that lasted for 33 miles! Oh Yeah… with no water.

And so, I present to you, another excerpt of my much sought after “Winterguard Diary”. Happy Reading! (Feels a little naughty, doesn’t it?)

Monday, March 8th – Prelims Week – 10:30pm

Dear Diary,

Sunday’s performance for the community went well. We were missing 3 people due to mundane, completely unimportant things. One had to work, (yeah, right) one had some huge reunion with some father she’s never met, (what’s more important?) and one had some religious conversion thing going on. I figure it’s easy. You wanna be in guard, you work out your work schedule when you first get the job, make sure you know ALL of your family before we start because it’s not fair to the team that you get some Jerry Springer surprise in the middle of the season, and wherever your faith is can surely stay safe until the end of March. GEEZ! Could I have a little consideration here? On the plus side, those that were there did a nice job, and we were able to justify spending more than 100 bucks on flowers for their hair.

Anyway, both groups performed. My younger guard (the ineptly named “Exhibition Guard” since the last thing we REALLY want to do is exhibit them) did a very nice job. They, of course, did the ever famous “Dear in Headlights” show that seems so popular each year. 35 of the little heathens and I still ask for more each year.

Had practice tonight. It went well, except that we had no gym and the majority of it was spent doing the electric slide (when will that stupid dance ever go away?) and the Cha-Cha dance. Relaxing every so often, in the words no longer used by Martha Stewart, is a Good Thing.

Tuesday, March 9th – 11:03pm Had the high school gym for the whole night!! WOOOHOOO!! Wow! Did we ever get a lot done! I taught them this really cool cheer for Prelims. It kinda goes a little somethin’ like this… “STACY IS GREAT! SHE’S THE BEST TEACHER IN THE STATE! SHE IS BEAUTIFUL AND SMART AND FUNNY! MEN SEARCH THEIR WHOLE LIVES FOR WOMEN LIKE HER!”

Yes, to the average layman, it’s not that wonderful, but I think it will be a moral booster at Prelims this weekend. I mean, after all, anyone who has ever taken the Dale Carnegie “How to Win Friends and Influence People” course knows that the more you tell yourself something, the more you will believe it. And what kid WOULDN’T feel great about their show when they believe that the greatest teacher in the world is working with them? I am so good at this whole “psychological” thing!

We also worked very hard on the floor set-up. I swear, Diary, if anyone remembers us from the Scottsburg show, then I will just DIE! We were like the Bozo the Clown Floor Crew Review out there!! 48 people on the floor set-up and not a single one watching me!!! OK. Maybe ours wasn’t the funniest of the season, but it was definitely up there amongst the Top 2. I didn’t fall that time either. Stupid boots.

We spent a little time looking at make-up, deciding which boyfriend carried the most junk, voted on which guard member had the best “show face” and junk in her trunk, and picked up candy wrappers we left all over the gym.

Oh yeah… we did a little guard work as well. It was a good night.

Wednesday, March 10th – 10:25pm Dear Diary,

I gave the kids the night off. Spent time with my daughter. Wow! She has grown a lot. I am now familiar with her. Before, I was vaguely aware of a short person living in my house. She is funny and smart. I like her a lot. I think I will keep her. She smells good.

Thursday, March 11th – 12:14am

Dear Diary,

Can’t sleep… Stupid song, running through my head… won’t stop…. Can’t stand kids…can’t breathe… gasp!!

Waaaaaayyyyy too much estrogen in one room during practice tonite. Poor Nathan. We make him do strange things to break up the monotony. More young men in HS should be involved in this. They have no idea the insight into women they could gain, just by donning a crazy unitard that requires a dance belt and swinging a flag that is made of fabric that comes in colors named after food. (Melon, peach, and kiwi, raspberry and chocolate)

I think I would like to have that job, the naming of the fabric colors and swatches. I think I would like to dance in Central Park in the light of a full moon in late summer. On second thought, I think I would like to live in a small town where people know you so well that you have no secret social life, no privacy, and you drive to a school in the middle of a corn field to listen to the same 4 ½ minute piece of music for 5 months telling young people where to move, how to move, and when to move for someone to tell you that you don’t have the right “flow” or that you don’t have the same “carving of space” consistently throughout your group. Oh. Wait. That’s what I do. Boy, am I lucky.

We practiced VERY hard tonight. The incentive? Good practice tonight, no practice tomorrow night. It was refreshing and exhausting. This is the stuff of which Winterguard is made.

Friday, March 12, 2004 – 3:30pm

Dear Diary,

It’s Friday afternoon, I’m at my office. I am tired, but satisfied with the week. Have pushed it as far as they will go at this point. No practice tonight. They will either do the best show of their season tomorrow, or they won’t. Frankly, it doesn’t matter where they place at this point to me. If they advance on to State, wonderful! If they do the best they can do and go no further, I am still proud. They have been the highlight of my career thus far, and I am grateful for their attitudes. They have worked completely as a team. Completely. I couldn’t ask for anything more of them. At this point, it is out of my hands, and once they’ve done their job tomorrow, then it will be out of theirs. In the words of someone who has recently given me some wonderful, positive thoughts, “we can only watch, listen, learn, and hope that what we apply will make sense and be rewarded.” This team has rewarded me already.

Monday, March 15, 2004

Dear Diary,

Well! Looks like I get to actually do some laundry and take a little break from the Tuesday and Thursday night wrestling matches! Gee, what will the staff do when they can’t beat each other up now???!!!

No, we didn’t advance another week. Yes, we had an awesome season! It was a lovely show on Saturday, except I think Nathan lost his dance belt. We left it somewhere at Center Grove High School. Hopefully, he put his name and address in it so it will be returned. We had the most wonderful bus drivers and Traveling Mom. ( you can read about them on the Princeton Winterguard – plug plug – website) What can we look forward to in the upcoming year? Really cool stuff already in the works! What are my plans?

8 weeks of nothing. NOTHING, I TELL YA!!! I don’t plan on yelling, writing, rewriting, traveling, worrying, coddling, (I don’t do that anyway, and I certainly don’t plan on any now) whining, begging, (for crying-out-loud, PLEASE catch that thing…) or even TALKING about colorguard. No more Colorguard!! If you want to hang out with me, (and who doesn’t?) you will not talk about guard. No flags, no rifles, no crazy unitards that should NEVER be put on some people, no “how does this color make you feel” garbage, no judge’s tapes, no “Show Flow” ideas, no guard NOTHING!

Here is what I will do; I will spend time with my daughter, (I think she has a job and pays her own phone bill now, at the age of 6) I will wash clothes, and maybe even iron something. I don’t know how to iron anything but a flag, but I will try. I will plant something in my yard. I will spend time with my “someone special” and let him know I exist and am not a figment of his imagination. I will visit my mother.

I will… just be Stacy for a little while. And then I will get the urge to be creative again. Just in time for the summer season.

Good Night, Diary.

Stacy Milheiser is a former drum major, Phantom Regiment alumnus, and currently the assistant band director at Princeton High School. A BIG thanks goes out to Stacy and the winter guard at Princeton for participating in this SI special feature!